Ku mau cinta Yesus selamanya
Ku mau cinta Yesus selamanya
Meskipun badai silih berganti dalam hidupku
Ku tetap cinta Yesus selamanya
Ya Bapa, Bapa Ini aku anakMu
Layakanlah seluruh hidupku
Ya Bapa, Bapa Ini aku anakMu
Pakailah sesuai dengan rencanaMu
This is the song I’ve been listening to. The lyrics speaks to me, and it speaks of me. I want to love Him forever even despite the hardships in my life.

Even though I have so many questions, doubts and uncertainties, I want wholeheartedly to love Him. Although I still cannot comprehend this entire spiritual thing, I still choose to want to believe in Him.

There is this parable of the sower in the Bible which I read but never really grasp the meaning behind.

“A sower went out to sow his seed; and as he sowed, some fell along the path, and was trodden under foot, and the birds of the air devoured it. And some fell on the rock; and as it grew up, it withered away, because it had no moisture. And some fell among thorns; and the thorns grew with it and choked it. And some fell into good soil and grew, and yielded a hundredfold.”

Jesus gave explanation following that..

Now the parable is this: The seed is the word of God.  The ones along the path are those who have heard; then the devil comes and takes away the word from their hearts, that they may not believe and be saved.  And the ones on the rock are those who, when they hear the word, receive it with joy; but these have no root, they believe for a while and in time of temptation fall away.  And as for what fell among the thorns, they are those who hear, but as they go on their way they are choked by the cares and riches and pleasures of life, and their fruit does not mature.  And as for that in the good soil, they are those who, hearing the word, hold it fast in an honest and good heart, and bring forth fruit with patience.

All along, my focus has always been the type of ground the seed falls into. I fail to see beyond that.

Take a look at the plant. The plant needs the sun to grow. The sun actually signifies hardship. It is scorching hot. It can dehydrate and dry up the plant. But there is really two sides to a coin. While the rays may be damaging, plants need sunlight to grow, don’t they?

The trick here is the root. If the plant is on good soil where its roots grow deep into the ground, when the sun shines, the plant will grow because its roots can reach deep into the soil to absorb water. Chlorophyll, sunlight and water produce food.

If my ‘root’ long enough to reach for the waters? Are we deeply rooted in Him enough that when hardship (the sun) comes, we can grow?

Yes, we need hardships and challenges to grow. We cannot expect to say “Yes, I believe in You, Jesus” and expect everything to be smooth sailing, loads of blessing and no more challenges.

Carry the cross, He says. Deny yourself.

But it is inspite of hardships that we can still rejoice because we know Who we are deeply rooted in, isn’t it?

This is a season for me to really look into my own dried up life.

I am watching Oprah on Hallmark now. It is a special on OCD people. I realised that I probably have a certain degree of OCD but not to the very extreme.

At one point, I was so particular about my feet that every other time, I would be washing them. It was awful. I could not even go barefooted at home.

The toilet matter is annoyingly particular for me as well. I was just so, so particular about bathrooms and toilets that I become so uncomfortable whenever I am out of my comfort zone.

Not to mention, when I was younger, I had this crippling fear of something bad happening to myself or loved ones. My imaginations trapped me in fear. Just so sick and tired of all these.

But Christ has set me free!

It was Ash Wednesday yesterday, also the mark of the start of the lent season. This means, we are 40 days away from Easter. Originally, this Lent season was meant to be a season of preparation for new believers to be baptised during Easter. However, nowadays, it is more of a preparation towards the Easter day instead.

I have started my own personal devotion time with a material from TRAC.com.my bought at RM3 from church. I feel that it is a time of reflection, personal check and evaluation nonetheless.

Easter is not only good jolly days with bunny eggs (rabbits don’t lay eggs, by the way) or chocolote eggs or gastronomic celebrations. It is a time to check into ourselves and see what have we got.

When I was young, I used to think I love being called a Christian. I wasn’t really attending church that time, but I just love the idea of Christianity.

It was only much later in life that I started to learn what it means to be a Christian. The cross to bear. The new identity in Christ. The great commission and so on and so forth. It is a whole lot of depth that I started to explore, question and sometimes, still in doubt.

I would say there is a lot more for me to learn as a Christian. It is more than a religion. It is my entire life. It is relevant every aspect of our lives. I would love to bring my family up in a Christian home. If you’re looking for resources for your children or for Sunday School, you can look for Christian videos from NEST Entertainment.